From Vulture to Eagle: The Evolution of a Networker

Everybody has to start from the bottom. Whether it's the bottom of a ghetto or the bottom of your rich dad's connections (no pun intended), it's usually not a place where your credentials are widely known. So how do you place yourself in a context where the right people are aware of your talents? Some would say the answer is networking. Attending events, sipping wine, having boring conversations where your eyes light up at carrot-dangled opportunities are some of the perks of this lifestyle. But aside from looking the part, what is it you need to do at these events? What is the meaning of 'schmooze' (assuming it's not a combination  of 'shock' and 'booze')? Are you single and ready to mingle, or just hovering around the pringles?

The Event Table: To Chip or not to Chip?

A great way to describe  the networking scene is by relating it to birdlife. It's about becoming an eagle without turning into a vulture.

Entering the room at an event, you will see  a certain species emerge from behind the bushes of the toilet or nearby smoking area. These are the sparrows: they fit in and do not stand out hugely from the scene. They may be well connected with other sparrows, forming a small sparrow community. They like to hover in groups and get private drinks whilst surveying the scene.

Next to the sparrows, or at least in one group of them, are the albatrosses. Albratrosses are exceedingly well connected and have their wings across every ocean. They are also quite noticeable after a few events, and other birds often say good things about them. They are usually pleasant to deal with and smile a lot.

The Vulture: Ready to Swoop on Free Drinks and Business

 Across the room in a corner, or perhaps negotiating a business deal, are the pigeons. Pigeons may be good for business or they may not; often with a pigeon one finds out they didn't pay their staff or sexually harassed a sparrow. They are often two-faced to albatrosses and may have a past as a C-list celebrity. A pigeon is at most risk of turning into a vulture.

Ducks also feature in the scene. Ducks are the most humble and real of the networking scene, and often do not tweet or praise their talents. They are often very successful and live out West or on Waiheke Island, using 'aye', 'bro' or 'mate' to liaise with their fellow colleagues and birds.  They will hover around the food table without abandon and are quick to praise others.

Peacocks are always rife at such a networking scene. They are often boring to talk to but are fawned on by others as they look fabulous or have a fabulous life. Other peacocks that are not so good looking are loud and flamboyant, ruffling their professional feathers with decorum. Their personalities are much better and they are likely to tell jokes and be drunk at functions.

Well, Aren't You Something Special?

Kakapos are also present, but not as often. Kakapos are artsy and rare in the scene, truly valuing great work without the commercial ideas behind it. If you are looking to get the business of a kakapo, talk about their glittering brooch or 40's hairpin rather than your professional talents.

But what of eagles and vultures? Well, Eagles are the CEOs who know it: smiling, confident, lint-free individuals who watch the rest with attention. And the vultures? Well, they are the ones that are most likely to try and look like  an eagle, but are without grace and an air of success. It takes two seconds into a conversation with a vulture to ask for a business card, ask your position, or talk about their own business. Other birds, it seems, will try and develop a relationship first.

So what is the art of networking? Well, there is no art in particular - it depends where you want to fit. The best networkers fit amongst most of the categories, because they are themselves and not a category. They are called the pioneers. And isn't that where we all want to be?