Blessed Stressedness

The tingles arise. The palpitations start. A small bead of sweat runs over a popped forehead vein. It's that enemy we all know: stress, with its unattractive mystique, fast-talking personality and sudden fits of rage. You know when it's coming - it lets you know hours, even days before. And you certainly remember the time it lays its unwelcome head on your welcome mat. No amount of yoga meditation can help you now.

But what if stress was our undercover friend, a kind of frenemy? Maybe its sweaty-palm odour was really a guarana-infused aroma, bettering our lives. Perhaps it was a form of protector, alerting you to a 'run vibe' with rapists, putting up red flags on your bad date, letting you know when someone from work was a little disappointed with your efforts. It may be that friend that gives you a swift kick when you're letting yourself down, especially in a hungover hemisphere. It wipes the smeared mascara off your face after a bad day, leading you reluctantly back to Excel. It might even give you a little kick at the gym after that myriad of coffees, in order make that tush a little tighter. What was the reason it was supposed to be bad again?

Lactose Intolerance: When Did It Become Cool?

Of course there will be stress disorders. But these don't affect the average person, whomever that is (unless of course you're one of those lactose-intolerant, 'shopping-addicted', semi-employed chihuahua types). Stress is a friend to be sat in like an uncomfy chair. The more you are aware of the reality of the chair the more you hate it; however if you were to appreciate that it is holding you up more than your lax La-Z-Boy, you might come to adore its uncomfortable ways. It's like that bit too much chilli in your sandwich: it may be a pain but it certainly makes you aware (and similarly teary, at times). To be blessed with stress is to be aware of your surroundings, akin to swimming in a kind of crazy ch'i. Feeling semi-run over but alerted to all that is wrong in the world, you can make your own life better via your own caffeinated kick-in-the-guts.

To those currently holding a stress serum or smelling salts under the tongue, the message is clear: less stress is only a beauty therapy massage away. But perhaps it may be time to enjoy the rollercoaster that is your hormones and personal problems; perhaps as an ode to the frenemy that is clearly here to stay. Stressedness is blessedness, the tool of the powerful and the complaint of the weak.

Honoring the Humorous: How Jokesters Jump From Anonymity to Friendship in One Easy Line

This week is about paying tribute to that thing we all like to do: relax. Because, really, there are too many boring banalities in our lives already. Spreadsheets. Cleaning. Cooking (the hatred of which many of us are too ashamed to admit). Bank balances. Petrol stations. Threads coming off your clothing (which happens in a sadly large price range of clothing for our 'first-world' country). Much of life is really preposterous and painful, a thief of the nano-seconds of your time that you could be using to, say, watch Jersey Shore. Too many tetchy tidbits taking up your time really furrow that Botoxed brow.

Which is why we love those that create the more desirable of facial lines, the ones around the mouth. Not the haggardly smoker's ones, faintly reminiscent of the scrunch of a crispy wonton, but the jovial laugh lines so coveted in an accountant's office. The lovely people that create these lines are the jokesters. Pranksters. The naughty ones. The ones that think outside the box and will refer to yours without missing a beat. These are the ones that bring the joy into work lunches, the pissed into parties, the gossip into get-togethers. We all know a few, we all remember them. They make us feel a certain way.

The Unofficial Muse of the Smoker's Mouth

To be dry and insert an adage into a light piece of material, there is an Oprah-esque thought that fits in quite nicely here: 'We don't remember what somebody has said, but we always remember how they made us feel'. Whomever this anonymous asp is that slid into Oprah's good books was either talking about a good (or terribly bad) date, or a humorous human. Humour really is the feeling of relief we all need from whatever troubles we're having, place we're staying or person we're dating. Laughter is in itself memorable because it made you feel better; made your laugh a shriek in a quiet boardroom; helped erupt a not-so-subtle snort in the kitchen. A good laugh inserts activity in your own life regardless of who set it off. It leaves that little bit of gratitude for the guy who granted it, they the god of relieving the mundane.

A jolly jokester can win your heart in no time. A couple of cheap lines can make up for the lack of a couple of expensive ones in the bathroom, even for the most toxic of social groups. The guard is let down. The jest slides through without obstruction. A connection is made. And it always is astounding just how fast it is made, in comparison at least to the ant-like conversation of those without the tricks. The famous book 'How To Win Friends and Influence People' could be summarized in a few words: make people laugh. At least you'll see less frown lines because of it.

Mimicking The Mask

It doesn't take long in the business world to realize that the ladder to success is multi-dimensional. Rising up in the company or getting that promotion isn't just a matter of doing your job properly, or even better than properly. It's about whether people believe you're doing it properly. Others need to believe in your greatness so you can rise. The opinions of people we often don't even consider are the yeast in our professional muffins, the electricity in our career elevators. People get job offers, promotions, good words often just based on word of mouth, right? 

Keeping in mind that this piece is a light blog rather than a hefty, eventually full-of-self-loathing self-help book, there is a piece of wisdom worth sharing. It's name? Professional distance. Upon entering the world of suits and ties, one feels a sense of intimidation, the feeling that, at your core, your heart and soul are not  as professional, packaged, and lint-free as your exterior. But then, considering the office is full of other human beings, it must be remembered that their souls are not fluff-free either. It is more that their exterior has a professional mask that goes with it: a mask that smiles, orders and doesn't back down. A mask that fights for the smallest piece of information merely to uphold its superiority. And this, my friends, is what I would call professional distance.

Excel: Proving that uni did teach you something you can use in the workplace

Upon first encountering The Mask of professional distance, my enthusiasm slid like a stripper down a pole of degradation. Why were people not chucking Post-It notes over my desk and sending jokes via Facebook chat? Was I liked, equal even? A smile here and there felt like an extra dollar in the garter, a mood-lifter but faintly smacking of humiliation and disregarded opinion. The need to please, to please, to please arose, as Excel tricks and  crafty emails of inspiration flooded the dimly lit professional stage. 

Then the lights came on. I saw a crack in The Mask, a chipped fingernail, a piece of fabric which showed a lack of drycleaning, a label reading 'Farmers' even. The lightbulb within shone, revealing the professional light within. For it was not a trait of character, a plasticity of persona that was needed for success or recognition, but a form of acting. The Mask was needed by all of us for respect, so that people would get things done. It was a mask of fear, almost, for fear instilled action. The Mask could be removed in one's private time, if need be. It certainly explained the industry's love of drinking.


The Mask, now, is still a little green: green with envy, green with sickness induced by a life of partying, green from staying in the office too long. But the professional Mask, or professional distance, is only one of many masks we wear. Sexiness, class, prissiness, being a 'team player', civility, and sometimes even interestedness are things we wear almost everyday: our most natural masks. Seems it doesn't take being into showtunes to become an actor.